Cut off from LIFE :P

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! My computer has been down for a while as my hard drive died and Craig had to get a replacement so I have been cut off from the Internet community and my email since before Christmas. As I am just getting back online and rebuilding my bookmarks and all, I thought I would drop a line in to let the world know we made it through the holidays. :P

The boys got better before Christmas but I finally caved and was sick as a dog on Christmas day. I guess the exhaustion finally caught up with me, and so Christmas day is a bit blurry for me and was a bit chaotic. My poor mother in law got really sick to and so we did not visit the Swain family on Christmas Eve, as is the tradition. Gaia, the boys, and I spent Christmas Eve together and as I was already getting sick it was not very eventful, but once it got dark we went out looking at Christmas lights until Craig got home from work. The boys absolutely loved looking at the lights ohhing and ahhing the whole time, even though it was raining and it was a little hard to see clearly.

I am still sick and will post some pictures soon when I am feeling a little better. Collin and Cyrus lost a lot of weight from this last illness, almost two pounds from Collin and a pound from Cyrus. Everyone who has not seen them lately has noticed Cyrus' weight loss. But they are doing just fine now and are almost back up to eating as much as they were before they were sick! Our sleep schedule is all messed up still and some of you moms out there will be green with envy and other will scorn me, but right now they are sleeping in until almost 10 AM, going to bed around 10:30 PM. As far as sleeping through the night, well, it is more often than not, and so I am trying to take advantage of that and get some rest. Speaking of.... I should do that now. More to come soon! Lots to tell...

First Step, First non-belayed Climb!

I need to go to sleep but I needed to mark these two momentous occasions. First Collin took his first real step today! It was during his ECI PT and I was holding his blankie in front of him, he was standing on his own and took on step with his right leg towards me before sitting down. We tried and tried to get him to do it again, but he was done amazing us for the day. Yeah Collin!!!!! We are so proud of him!

Second, Cyrus officially can climb INTO his crib on his own, has done it now two days in a row. He has yet to try to climb out and that might be the end of his crib days once that happens. But for now it is all about getting in, not out. I guess that rock climbing I did in my first trimester (like I used to do on a regular basis) stuck with him. He felt how much I enjoyed it.

So the boys do not have pneumonia and are feeling much better now. Good thing too since tomorrow is our first appointment with the Gastro Dr. And speaking of that I need to get some sleep, in case I had not mentioned that before. LOL Yeah for healthier boys... I was hoping it would be okay for Christmas, maybe it will after all.

Uh Oh...

We went back to the pediatrician's office today and they ran a couple of minor tests, gave Cyrus a breathing treatment, blah blah. Poor Collin was pitifully sick and I had left the stroller in the garage after having picked up the nine cases of Pediasure from the WIC office the day before. That made our trip to the Dr more interesting, me and two sick little kids; at least Cyrus can walk. We got some antibiotics and some serious cough medicine (basically the same toilet bowl blue stuff, only this time it was purple!) and then we got the kicker. If they are still running a fever by Sat morning then we need to take them in for pneumonia. Lung x-rays, blood tests, the works; and we all know how I feel about blood being drawn from my scarred-veined children. Please, PLEASE, do not let this be pneumonia.

We have missed two therapy appointments, one gastroenterology appointment, and now our last Kindermusik class tomorrow due to this sickness. I am running on caffeine and asian noodle bowls, not getting much sleep, and I am having trouble remembering things even more than I usually do. But who knows if that is just because of this recent sickness or a gradual disintegration of my abilities to function. Thank goodness for Starbucks, or else I may not be able to get out of bed (or off the couch) everyday. Perhaps one day I will accept this life, and stop wishing for them to become healthy little boys without any problems, not have an eternity of debt calling us on a daily basis, have the energy to keep my house as clean and well kept as I would like, have the help to take care of my children and my household the way they deserve, etc.

Now I have to worry about Christmas, and I hate feeling like Christmas is a burden, I love Christmas time, so many wonderful memories of the season. I love shopping for loved ones and getting together with family, yet everything is so complicated now and time is against me. I have never blamed my wonderful boys for my feelings, they are the blessing, the only bright things that make all this tolerable. I just wish it did not have to be this hard, so much I feel illequipped to handle, all that I have to be responsible for. I wish I could be supermom, and happy to take on every problem with grace and wisdom. I wish for many things...

Just Pathetic

Aren't we just pitiful? We may be going back to the pediatrician's office if we aren't better by Friday. This has been going on too long, and I am tired of watching my children vomit all the drainage they have and cant seem to keep their fever down. *Sigh* Happy Holidays, bah humbug... :P

Cyrus lays his head down on the couch in defeat.
He just cannot take anymore sickness.



Poor Collin rests with Daddy while trying to feel better.



My babies collapse in Mommy's lap, take care of us Mommy!

We are sick of being sick!

Poor Cyrus has a rough time ahead of him. Right now he is really sick, coughing, drainage, vomiting up the drainage, and fever. Poor guy probably has a sore throat and is feeling pretty bad. Then to top it all off he has to have surgery in January to repair his herniated scrotum. Last October he had the other side repaired that was caused from all the vomiting due to his shunt malfunction, this time I am not sure what caused it. It has slowly been getting worse over the past two weeks and with him getting sick it really got bad. So we have a surgery date scheduled and as long as he isn't sick at that time he will be back under the knife for outpatient surgery. He will go in early in the morning and go home the same day. Poor little guy... my heart breaks knowing he has to have surgery again so soon.

Collin is starting to get sick too, and if it follows the same path as Cyrus he will be sick the rest of the week. This is going to be a difficult week for all of us, thankfully Craig has work off through Wednesday. I am going to need his help taking care of the little guys. I had to postpone Collin's gastro Dr appointment because he is sick, and now we will have to wait until Dec. 20. Its that time of year when I am supposed to be out shopping for Christmas presents and enjoying all the holiday cheer, and now it has become more stressful, stress we didn't need.

Birthdays and Basketball

So our very good friend Tanner just turned two! He was a Micropreemie too, at 26 weeks and we were so happy to be there for his awesome celebration. :) We all had so much fun and are so proud to see how well Tanner is doing. I am certain your brother, Parker, is beaming with joy to see what a happy and healthy child you are, Tanner. We wish him a Happy Birthday too. *hugs*

:) Happy Birthday Tanner! You are TWO! :)

Grandma is chit chatting with Tanner
while she and Cyrus ride the Rocking horse.


Look Cyrus, let's shake it up! Yes, Cyrus lets... Wee!


Mommy and Collin try to get a pic in during all the fun,
but Collin was too busy having fun to notice.

Collin was going through all the tunnels and playing
with all the toys until he realized there was electrical
equipment, then the stereo was suddenly
the only thing in the room...


It is official the Swain boys will be
basketball players. Grandpa is proud to have sports
players in the family, I am sure...


Collin shoots- He Scores! SLAM DUNK!!

Finding the Time

November was so amazingly busy for us, we had therapy almost everyday of the week. Then we had our playgroup with the multiples club, the library Peapods lapsit program, and the Kindermusik class we are in. Things have come to a screeching halt and I am in a mild mourning over the loss of Collin's therapy. I am enjoying the break for my own selfish reasons, but I am itching to get Collin back into a quality therapy routine. I like routines, but need outside influences to motivate me and keep me responsible, and therapy was good for all of us.

We are hoping to have some new therapy in action in the next few weeks that will be two to three days a week. Collin needs it so much and I need the instruction and direction. We are looking at Collin having a Pediatric Walker soon to help initiate his gate muscles and help him to learn how to walk. We have much hope that he will be walking within a year if we are diligent about his therapy. This next year is going to be the most important for him and I trying to do what is best for him, which includes the patch. A difficult task for sure, sometimes we can go through five patches in an hour and we are supposed to keep it on him for two hours a day. Hard on us and really hard on a little boy with SID (Sensory Integration Dysfunction); I am satisfied if I can keep a patch on him for over an hour a day, but set the time for 90 minutes anyways. He has the cognitive understanding without the ability to interact or communicate to match it. I hate that money and insurance is preventing my child from having what he needs to succeed and I fear that will cause long term delays that could have been prevented. We have a Gastroenterology appointment set up for next week to see if we can find out what his reflux issue is all about and perhaps to help with weight gain. He has so much potential... I do not want to be the reason he does not fulfill that.

I also need someone to teach me more about ADHD for Cyrus. If he is going to have anything at this point, its going to be that. He is such a good little boy but he is everywhere all the time; in your face and freakin'-ear-piercing-loud about it. He doesn't take typical discipline well (at least I consider him smiling and laughing while we try to get him to not hit or scream or throw things) so I need some help in that area. Right now his big issue is that he may have a communicating (I think that is the right tern for it) hernia again. We have an appointment with the surgeon to check that out too. I would hate to see Cyrus go back under the knife again so soon, since it has barely been over a year since his last surgery. But he is a whipper snapper, a flirt, smart, charming, stubborn, and very demanding.

I am trying not to drown in the pressures of their little lives and my grown up responsibilities, when day to day things are as normal as they can be. However, I have pretty much lost touch with the rest of the world. I do not watch the news, and am usually the last to know anything that is going on that I do not receive via email (when I find the time to check my email). How do you other twin mom's do it? How do you other preemie moms of toddler/s do it? How do moms who have normal kids do it? Rasing children is the most amazing, rewarding, terrifying, stressful, loving, exhausting, never-ending, wonderful experience I have ever had.

A friend and I laughed the other day when she mentioned a song I didn't recognize, she tried singing it to me and all could think to do was sing back Blue's Clues. LOL I am just happy I have found a new band to put my musical energy into... Blue October. Who knows how long they have been popular, but I have just discovered them in the past year, and only now am starting to get their stuff that is not on the radio. I have a ton of pictures to post, especially from the most recent and highly exciting event of attending our good friend Tanner's 2nd birthday party, but I want to do them justice, and this is essentially a venting post. I will post those wonderful pics and talk about the party soon...

Height/Weight Update as of Nov. 28 :
Collin: 25 lbs 3.5 oz., 33 inches
Cyrus: 28 lbs 8.2 oz., 34 inches