They grow up so fast

I just had to share these... The boys are in a public school preschol program for children with disabilites, and one of the perks is that we get school pictures taken. :) How can you not love these faces?

Cyrus is probably saying "Cheese!" :) Adorable!

Its just the best picture of Collin I could have hoped for!

...Three Days Later (Four Years Ago)

I have been stuck in bed at the hospital, not even allowed to move onto my side for fear of how it may jostle Cyrus' placenta and I have been miserable. The medication has kept me just short of lucid and sometimes I would participate in conversation and sometimes I would blurt out bits of what I was dreaming. My husband and I had finally picked out names for both boys, Collin (meaning lion cub) Leander (meaning bravery) to give the little guy strength. Cyrus (meaning sun) Theodore (gift of God). So there, one thing down, and the NICU could replace Collin's label from Swain, Boy A to Collin Leander.

My daughter and nieces had come by with a pumpkin they made for me and the babies in their Halloween costumes. I was sad that I was missing Halloween with them. However I was determined to make this last... but my body had other plans for me yet again. The doctor came in after dinner and told me that my fever was not going down, and as a result of birthing Collin but not his sac, I had developed an infection. This no longer made me Cyrus' safest place to be. So at least this time I was able to prepare for the cesarian, my family was there, even my brother left his 10 year class reunion to make it.

Shivering from the fever and terrified (for those who didnt know, I had planned on having a home bathtub birth, so having a c-section was on my list of NOT to-do's) I was wheeled into the OR. Ewwww, epidurals are frightening! But got that overwith, wearing my bright green fuzzy socks, I was prepped and ready to go. I kept crying, for this had really been the moment when I realized my beloved pregnancy was over and my kids did not have the beginning I had dreamed of. They asked me if I wanted drugs to help me relax, but I told them to wait until Cyrus was out, then load up on the drugs!

It was so much easier than what I had been through a few days ago. My husband watched the birth with morbid excitement, keeping me up on every step. I asked what X feeling was and he would describe what they were doing; I was interested but had no desire to see for myself. Then the sound of Cyrus' cry filled the room. He was here! This time I had my glasses, and he was in better health so they gave us a minute to look at him and gently touch his tiny fingers before taking him to the NICU. The NICU, this would be my children's home for the next four months.

Cyrus Theodore born at 9:48 PM, 1 lb. 15 oz. and 13 inches long. I was not quite half way through my pregnancy and it was already over. I missed out on a lot that I still grieve over, but the alternative would not have given me these amazing boys. Wow. I dont even have toddlers anymore, really, they are little boys now. When did that happen? I am blessed with these two miracles that overcame their 20% survival odds and still manage to impress us with their personalities and abilities. Happy Birthday to the strongest people I know!

Happy 4th Birthday, Oh Cyrus My Cyrus!!

This Day Four Years Ago

Right about now I was just taken from one hospital in an ambulance to another where they were more equipped to handle "a woman in my condition." In labor 3 1/2 months early, only 25 weeks along, I was freaking out about what was going to happen to my babies. I had only discovered a few weeks earlier that I was even having twins. Now the doctors were doing whatever they could to keep my boys from being born. The contractions were already starting to race one another and I felt terrified and out of control. Little did I know that Collin was determined to arrive in only a few short hours.

It was hazy, as they were pumping my veins with steroids and this magnesium crap that made me feel horrible, but I was only partially aware that the pain I was going through was labor... I was having a baby. The nurse had been checking me regularly to see how far along I had dilated, the last time she had checked I was about a 5. I had been in so much pain that I was doing anything I could to try to minimize it... I didnt realize I was pushing (remember no birthing or lamaze classes yet, they were scheduled for next month). The nurse came by again, mumbled something in a terrifying voice and took off. Not two minutes later I was in the OR being prepped for emergency cesarean. What did she see that freaked her out? Collin's feet.

Well, the doctor realized that it was safer to just birth the child than to try to go the c-section route and told me to push.. and after two pushes Collin was born! My husband did not even get into the OR in time it happened so fast. So I got a blurry look at my son from about ten feet away (I didnt have my glasses on) and then he was rushed off to the NICU and I back to my room. Collin didnt have a name yet, and wouldnt for another 36 hours or so, but he was out in the world, and Cyrus was taking the opportunity to stretch out in my belly for as long as possible. My doctor told me the longest separation between twins he had ever seen was five weeks, not knowing then that Cyrus only had three more days before it was his turn to make a grand entrance, we were hoping for as long as possible...

Collin was born at 3:51 PM a mere 1 lb. 12 oz. and 13 1/4 inches long. So here I was, having just had a baby, and I was still pregnant. Yeah, tell me about it. Tune in again on Thursday for the exciting colclusion to this story... lol

We are still alive...

So we are still alive, and although my life has been crazy, the boys have been doing great. Now that things are starting to have some semblance of normalacy (for us anyway) I am hoping to get back to doing some updating on a regular basis. But just the five cent summary: Collin and Cyrus are doing well in school. Collin is impressive with his sign language even though his coordination is limited, eats everything, tries whatever Cyrus tries. Cyrus is just a regular hyper three year old, always talking always getting into things, not wanting to eat.

Medically they are both wearing the eye patch now (yeah, you can imagine how well that works!) but Cyrus had an MRI recently which showed that his twitching in his right eye was not neurological, thus the patch. Collin walks and runs and falls all the time but shakes it off and keeps going. They get sick all the time from being in school but we have been lucky that we have only needed a few visits to the doctor and nebulizer treatments to keep them going. They wear me out in a whole new way these days, because they are acting like regular little boys, crazy hyper, but pretty normal all the same. :)

I would love to show you all the latest pics of the boys but Blogger is royally peeving me, so please take a quick moment to go HERE and see them on my original xanga blog.